even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
The song “A Little Bit Stronger” by Sara Evans came on the radio when I was driving home from work today. I’ve heard that song before and I’ve liked it, but today I found myself passionately belting out the lyrics while I was sitting in traffic on the 405 freeway. If you’re going to sit in traffic, you might as well put on a show for your traffic neighbors, no?
But seriously, how perfect are these lyrics?
And I’m done hoping that we can work it out,
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I’m done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same, 
but I’m telling myself I’ll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
 
About 6 months tooooooo late, but still pretty awesome.
………..
So I have been getting sick a lot lately. Like, every few months I get a horrendous cold that turns into a cough that lasts for months. I eventually get over the cough and then I get sick again, only to repeat the cycle. I was coughing so hard that I had to leave meetings at work. To throw up. I coughed so hard I had to RUN OUT OF A SESSION WITH A CLIENT in order to hack it up in the bathroom. So not fun and SO not professional and SO not helpful for the therapeutic process, as you might imagine. I ended up at Urgent Care on Easter Sunday and the doctor there recommended that I see an Ear Nose and Throat specialist. Thanks the the wonder that is Kaiser, I had an appointment two days later. The specialist was pretty kickass and we discussed all the ins-and-outs of getting my tonsils removed. When she said I would stop getting sick as much and it would probably even stop the snoring I had developed over the past two-or-so years, I was sold. So we scheduled the surgery for the following Friday and I requested a week off of work for the recovery time.
I realized later that I would be having my tonsillectomy on Mother’s Day weekend, which historically has not been an awesome weekend for me. And by historically I just mean that it’s exactly the one year anniversary of some pretty shitty shit. I was mentioning this to a friend of mine and I said something along the lines of the whole historically-shitty-weekend-thing and she said, “No, it’s historically the weekend that you get rid of uselessness things that you no longer need that have been causing you pain”.
I have hilarious and genius friends.
And so I had the tonsillectomy and woke up IN SO MUCH PAIN. Of course while you are in the hospital you just moan a bit and they give you the good, good drugs, so it wasn’t too bad. Plus I had some kickass company/caretaker.
Who doesn’t insist on a selfie when one is naked and drugged, waiting to go into surgery?
The rest of my LAMEST WEEK OF VACATION FROM WORK EVER consisted of a lot of this:
&
 Which was okay because I love kitty snuggles and my new juicer, but I missed food.
Obviously.
And I looked like a hot mess the entire week. I don’t think I showered very often or even changed my clothes. Seriously, SO MUCH PAIN. The best part was the medication they gave me made me super nauseous and if you can think of something worse than throwing up after you’ve just had THROAT surgery, I’d like to hear it. And I remember being told something about “the possibility of having some ear pain” but I missed the part about THROBBING, STABBY EAR PAIN IN BOTH EARS that made me rock back and fourth catatonically while rubbing my temples and crying. It felt like double ear infections. Drinking water was super awful and waking up every four hours (even in the middle of the night) to take pain medication that makes you nauseous made it a full-blown partayyy.
As a result, I walked around most of the week with ice packs strapped to various parts of my head/neck/chest in super sexy pajamas and looked like this:
Which I had to document after I caught sight of myself in a mirror on day 5 or so. And it made me laugh. But a silent laugh, because real laughing was not so much an option. (Side note: Yawning STILL really hurts like a little bitch.)
I had the best support during this whole thing. Not only did he take the whole day off of work to take me to and from my surgery, pick up my pain medications, and rubbed my back over and over when I was having major pity parties for myself, he also made Starbucks runs when I wanted an Iced Tea and got me new flavors of popsicles when I couldn’t stomach grape anymore. He was an AMAZING sport, but I did manage to wear him out, at times.
Icing my throat while the boyfriend takes a cat nap on the couch, poor thing.
Also, let me say this. Ladies, if you want to REALLY get to know your new boyfriend (read: of 4 months) go ahead and schedule a minor surgery with a notoriously awful recovery. Because there is nothing quite like going from the awesome, fun, and hilarious person he has gotten used to seeing every day (ahem, if I do say so myself) to a sniveling, not showering, crying, in-pain person who doesn’t so much as want to be touched for more than two minutes a day and wakes up often in the middle of the night to cry on the kitchen floor while trying to choke down vomit-flavored medication.
It’s a gooooooooooooood idea.
Thankfully, this particular boyfriend of 4 months is AWESOME (or you know, if he’s reading this, is OKAY).
And when you mention you feel ready to try choking down food and you would punch a baby for a donut, he shows up after work with not one but THREE amazing donuts and an Archie comic book because he remembered that you used to read those as a kid and it might cheer you up.
Even Nala was impressed.
And even through it ends up being one of the most painful weekends/weeks of your life, you know that you’d do this weekend all over again 100 years sooner than you’d do the previous Mother’s Day weekend. Because this time he’s here. And yes, you got rid of ANOTHER useless thing that had been causing you pain.
And there are a lot of donuts during recovery.
&
eventually frozen yogurt.
……..
There are also pool days with magazines and popsicles and attempted tanning.
And sneaking pictures of him during brunches in Santa Monica
I’ve gotten pretty good at the I’m-just-checking-my-email-really-quick-but-secretly-taking-pictures-of-you-because-you-are-so-cute thing.
I’ll probably never get used to mid-week date nights at City Walk, but I’m sure enjoying them when they happen.
And mid-week date nights with chocolate milkshakes, french fries and nighttime swimming.
I LOVE NIGHTTIME SWIMMING.
And french fries. Which you already knew.
The struggle is real.
Long story short (HA), I survived. And I don’t miss my tonsils one little bit. Or that other useless, pain-causing thing that was eradicated from my life. My current biggest problem in life is figuring out how to update my hairstyle. I’ve had the same one for FOREVER and I think I’m ready for something different.
Pre-Brush Out vs. Post-Brush Out.
Errrrrrrryday.
Also, some days I feel like Mick Jagger.
And I’m not so sure that’s such a good thing.
I have a hair appointment in a week and the decision of it all is WEIGHING on me.
Oooooooooh big life decisions, how I love you these days.
……..
Life is so good.

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